by Jerry A. Sierra
Below is an incomplete list of the main actors featured in Unreality Plays at jerrysierra.com and elsewhere. Most of these “players” are based on a previous creative endeavor, such as a movie, a novel, a comic book… from which they were mass produced and tossed into the world as commerce. At Unreality Studios, these talented plastic thespians have an opportunity to attain new and undeniable individuality through hard work in front of the cameras…
The list is not presented in any specific or pre-conceived order.
The problem with these great-looking Breaking Bad figures is that they are stuck in a permanent pose. The good thing about them, crudely hinted at in the previous sentence, is that the figures look great, resembling their characters physically and spiritually.
Once you get over their limitations, the Breaking Bad figures are a lot of fun... you can take off hats and glasses and gas masks… (Jesse insisted on wearing his) and they feature their signature menacing look... that determination good criminals need to get though the workday.
My acting troupe includes Heisenberg-in-lab-garb, with removable glasses and gas masks. Then there’s the “main” Walter White figure, with a jacket and gun in hand.
In spite of the group shot problems mentioned earlier, if I could get the cast of Breaking Bad to sit for my camera... first I’d shrink them to seven inches and then I’d stand them next to each other… something like this;
The one Caesar has appeared in dozens of poses and images... and he’s very well-mannered and behaved… for an Ape… and particularly in comparison to the Sin City Players and others featured in this document.
Koba, the other popular Ape in the Unreality Studios Acting Troupe, has such a serious and intense demeanor that he seems frighteningly human… you can almost see him wondering, sadly, how it is that humanity could produce a presidential candidate such as The Donald. I try to discourage him from reading too much history, or watching The Rachel Maddow Show, as he seems to possess a depressive personality.
The ape figures were not particularly expensive, but they each took forever to be delivered… as if they were trying to escape their plastic containers each step or the way.
He likes it when you call him Hann... “Makes me feel like Han Solo fighting the empire…” he says. My friends wonder why he’s such a prominent feature on my desktop... I tell them that in spite of being insane, he’s a good psychiatrist, and he helps me stay sane.
I’ve taken many photos of Hann, but still haven’t found the definitive portrait... the one that says “sure, I’m a human monster… and I’ve made mistakes, but, like Bernie Sanders * and the elephant man; I am a human.”
The face mask fits well, but it’s a little difficult to lock it into place with the belts provided... and even though you can remove the mask from the face and the figure from the crane, you can’t unlock his arms... maybe that’s for our own protection... but why should I fear him? He’s guarded 24/7 by Gail (who would love to shoot him with her Uzi) and a Predator (who would love to make a trophy of his spine and skull). He can’t hurt me.
The look in his eyes, and the striking resemblance to actor Anthony Hopkins, makes this one of my favorite toys based on a fictional psychopathic human monster with no regrets and the occasional yearning for a nice chianti.
And like I said, he’s a good psychiatrist, and his therapy sessions are fun. Last time we sipped Courvoisier and watched comedian Anthony Jeselnik on Netflix. I’m willing to bet that none of you ever watched Jeselnik with your shrink.
* The Bernie Sanders figure objected to being included in the sentence, and to being mentioned in a discussion about the Dr. Lecter figure. I explained the “unreality layer” to him, and I expressed how proud I was that his integrity extended to his figurine. “What did you expect?” he said, smiling.
In case you didn’t know, Lily and Herman are no longer a couple, so they are featured in individual portraits. Apparently their marriage couldn’t withstand the pressures of a post-television existence, though they’ve done well individually.
I originally brought Lily into the troupe so she could go on a date with Frankenstein’s monster (Franky)… Lily’s as good natured in plastic as she was in real life… and Franky was happy to meet her, even though she is younger than he expected.
Herman is based on the 1965 episode “Hot Rod Herman.” The figure stands as a great representation of actor Fred Gwynne in one of his most memorable roles. Some friends have suggested that Herman’s gay, and that’s why they divorced (in the early 1970s). But I hear from reliable sources that he had an ongoing thing with Morticia Adams… say no more.
Both come from Diamond Select Toys.
Who are they?
Do they work for God?
Couldn’t they have done a better job engineering humanity?
Or, are WE what was intended all along?
Are we meant to be a violent, destructive and Trump-ish species with occasional flashes of what we still refer to as humanism?
These are just some of the questions I’d ask The Engineers. Maybe Ridley Scott will answer them in the next incarnation of Prometheus (Alien Covenant will be out in August, 2017). But if he doesn’t, my actors will be ready to come clean and respond to all our questions. Be ready to not like the answers.