A Minute? My Ass!
by Jerry A. Sierra | 8/28/21
Ever been put on hold for a minute that lasted over 10 times the promise? That should be a crime.
Any minute on hold that lasts up to 2 minutes can be forgiven.
The 2–3-minute mark forgiveness factor tends to depend on your mood, your upbringing, your cultural inclination, and your religious beliefs. Beyond this it gets serious.
Between 3 – 9 minutes of being On Hold (by any service you pay money to) should give you the right, in a civilized world, to file charges that can result in a reduction of fees paid for the service you’re trying to troubleshoot, in accordance with the extra time you waited.
(I’m not suggesting they must “resolve your issue” in a minute, but if they put you on hold for a minute and it’s going to take longer, they should come back on the line and let you know that it’s going to be a little longer. And there should be some kind of music that lets you know you’re still connected.)
A “minute” wait that lasts ten minutes or longer should have automatic civil charges brought against the offending organization.
A public website could inform users about what to expect for a “minute” on hold with every major organization doing business across the Internet in the U.S. A.
Repeat offenders would be seriously fined. Maybe even beyond the amount they would pay if they paid their fair share of taxes.
Known abusers and habitual offenders could be sent to Arkham Rehabilitation Shelter (ARS), where experts (shown below) can conduct trainings and seminars on the meaning of “a minute.” Dr. Lecter’s seminar on “the stress of being on hold,” and The Joker’s “you think that’s funny? I do!” are major highlights of the program.
ARS’s co-founder, Dr. Sabetodo, expects that graduates will have a zero-percent level of recidivism. So help us, Tim Berners-Lee.
Arkham Rehabilitation Shelter Staff
