Xenomorphs in San Francisco

The 6-foot-plus virus popped out of the MUNI underground tunnels like a swarm of bees, leaving their “eggs” and their victims and their gooey after-presence everywhere along the way from Civic Center Station to Embarcadero Station.

Xenomorph battle for San Francisco

If not for interference from the Batman, the WYC Commandos and a troop of colonial marines that included Ellen Ripley (yes, THAT Ellen Ripley) San Francisco may have been lost.

The outbreak seemed to start in the Financial District, with Xenomorphs crawling up elevator shafts and air vents and bursting into conference rooms and private offices, wiping out thousands of white collar workers before anyone knew what was happening.

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Xenomorphs on the 8th Floor in the Financial District

Further South, around the Main Branch of the San Francisco Public Library, a small group of masked vigilantes, under stern direction from Batman, saved Hillary Clinton from a sudden Xenomorph outbreak (more later).

It was also revealed that Batman had predicted the approaching outbreak days earlier. He had contacted SFPD and other city officials, but they interpreted the warning as a “political prank” by a mentally-unstable freak, and took no action.

It was the Batman, through his underground network of writers, artists, inkers, sculptors and unshaved hard-boiled ex-cops with an axe to grind, that alerted Ripley.

Ripley contacted Bishop, who immediately contacted the Weyland-Yutani Corporation (WYC) and enlisted the participation of the Colonial Marines.

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Other U.S. cities experienced similar outbreaks… Baltimore, New York, Detroit, Chicago… all major cities near great bodies of water with, apparently, little else in common.

The outbreaks in Europe and the Middle East initially seemed equally random… Poland, Egypt, Sudan, Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Mongolia

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At China Beach State Park, Xenomorphs attack humans

San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee, after channeling the Mayor from “Jaws” for almost a whole day, declared a State of Emergency and activated a secret Safety Escape Plan that gave him access to a secure private tunnel from City Hall to an undisclosed Safe House.

The Mayor has not been heard from since, suggesting, perhaps, that he’s not yet aware that the invasion has been resolved, or that he has become a casualty of the outbreak.

“One can only hope,” said a local resident identified only as Wink-Wink, “that he’s Ok.”

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