“Friends… Americans… Countrymen! Lend me your ears… I come before you to announce my candidacy for the 2020 Presidential election.
My fellow Americans… it is time to end the low-class energy and dim-witted colonialism of my previous counterpart, and embrace the class and culture that is our due heritage as… Americans. Only then will our empire thrive, and our collective well-being ensured. Believe me.
I pledge to you my devout loyalty to the concepts and ideas set forth by our founding fathers in the U.S. Constitution and similar documents. I knew some of these men personally, and can attest to their love for the very ‘idea’ of America.
Today I ask that you consider me for the Republican nomination. The Democrats have informally disbanded since Trump, and there’s little chance that any of their liberal candidates can beat a vampire. And our Republican counterparts are as incompetent as they are ineffective, believe me.
I'm asking for the opportunity to finally unite this country.
I will be everyone’s president! Humans, werewolves, wolfmen, zombies, demons and vampires. And nobody will have anything to fear from the Vampire community. Believe me.
I will build a sunroof across the cities of America that will keep away evil sun rays that cause blindness, skin cancer and increase the cost of health care for every American.
And I pledge to you, on my honor, that my administration will never classify humans by their blood type. Believe me.
My fellow Americans. I am a Republican, a Vampire, and I want to be your president.
My name is Dracula.